Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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