That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
