I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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