ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
