Just fell off a train. Bad.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
