he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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