i think i have herpe
just one?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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