its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
