my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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