I CAN MOONWALK!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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