i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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