dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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