is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize