He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
