Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize