I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My penis needs a shock collar
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
