I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
