If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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