so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
