I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize