your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
