Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
