Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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