Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
