I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
