Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
