i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
