wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
