Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
