btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
