Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
