At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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