Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
