And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
