I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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