Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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