The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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