Umm I'm too high to move.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
