He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
