I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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