after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
