We should be called the Road Head Warriors
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
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