Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
