He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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