Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
