My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
