I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
