I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
