non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
