Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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