She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
