this beer tastes like vomit already
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
