I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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