We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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