covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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