I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We need to get me chipped asap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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