do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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