Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
In America we eat man semen.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
