i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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