coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
then he tried to convert me to islam
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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