i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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