PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
