What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
