dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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