it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
