Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
