I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
