OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
