So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
