I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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