used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
