Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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